Hallway Traffic Cleveland High School Edition

            Walking through the halls of Cleveland is like driving on a freeway that has had a fatal car accident -- one that involved a semi-truck and caused at least six emergency vehicles to appear.

            I don’t know why people think that they are the only ones on the planet when obviously they aren't  There are about seven billion people in the world, and of that population over 1,500 people go to Cleveland. So why people feel that they have the right to stop walking right in the middle of the hall and have a 10 minute conversation while there are at least 10 people behind them is beyond me.

            Then there are the people that walk the pace of a snail when you’re going to be late to class. Is the crazed look of holy canoli I’m going to be late not a hint enough that you should pick up your pace. Or is it that you can sense my anxiety and you are just purposely walking as slow as possible to irritate me, because I am not above shoving multiple people to the side to get there.

            Or how there are two groups of people having two separate conversations in the hallway leaving you the tiniest gap to get through. Then by the time that you adjust yourself to get through leaving as little damage to the people around you as possible, there is always that one person who decides to leave the conversation and they bump into you and act like it’s your fault, but you know it isn't! Like Really?

            This year we have gained a new installment to the hallway hell we live in. Let me introduce you to a new group of juniors who have decided that folding chairs and a table would make their lunch more pleasurable when really they take up the entire hall locker to locker with no gap. While it may be a picnic to them, it is anything but to us. Are you really that amazing that your bottom can’t reside on the ground like the rest of us? Because I really do not enjoy having to be a tightrope walker as I attempt not to step on your backpack or lunch wrappers. Don’t worry if I were to ever be injured walking by; I would stick you with the doctor’s bill.

            The most depressing case of hall blockage is PDA. Public Displays of Affection (shortened by the dorkiest acronym known to man) are impossible to get around. You can’t plow through them or else you might get caught in the cross fire. The sad part is that even if you did go through them they probably wouldn't even notice. Going around them is more than unappetizing because it involves getting near them. The way I look at it is that there is an invisible bubble that separates them from us and if you invade the bubble you combust into flames.

            Then you have the newbies to the hallway: the freshmen. There is always that one little twerp that puts his arm out to block your pathway between the locker and all of his other little twerpie friends. I would like to remind this freshman that I have been taller than him since I could walk, and I’m not about to put up with this when I could walk all over him, so the next time I come down the hall you best make like the Red Sea and part ways.

            Don’t even get me started on the stairs! You are aware that sitting on them as a single person is technically a fire hazard but when four or five people sit next to one another not only is it annoying because you don’t leave room for people to get past as you’re munching down on your french fries, but if the fire alarm were to go off we would all be dead because of you! You wouldn’t move in time and we would then become crispy critters inside our own home away from home.

            As far as the hall on second floor by the SSC there is this group of girls that sit there and eat their lunch and their legs go from one end of the hall to the other causing you to have to focus on something as simple as walking. Do they not notice that people don’t eat in that hall for a reason? Seriously, get a clue. 

            

            So stop being barricades! Open the eyes that you were born with (unless you’re blind and in that case I apologize although you probably wouldn’t be reading this anyway) and use them! Look around to see if where you’re going to stop and have your conversation about the upcoming sports game, or how your boyfriend Tom cheated on you with your best friend Yolanda, and see if you’re going to be in the way of the people who are actually wanting to get to class on time and take advantage of their free education. If you think high school will be the best four years of your life, you are wrong. The best years are the 50 plus you have after this.